The Image and the Abyss:

What Leo’s Shadow can teach the Wider Zouk Community

It was a warm night in Canggu, Bali. I had just finished a restorative yoga class led by a tranquil, gender-fluid instructor. I was the last student to rise off the mat. After inquiring about the playlist, I complimented the teacher on their class. They said, “I’m glad you enjoyed your experience. For me, praise is always a test.” I invited them to explain further. They said “people come to yoga for themselves, not for the teacher. The experience they have has to do largely with the experience they are projecting to have… If I take the praise, then I also will take my share of negative projections as well. I prefer to show up and give the class. Any attachment I might have to others liking it or not, is simply a test.”

This interaction prompted deep reflections in me. What was my motivation to praise their class? What did I assume or infer about their experience that was based on my own biases? As a teacher and facilitator, I have been familiar with both the positive and negative responses students can have to my style. Praise seems innocent enough, but upon a deeper look, I began to see how one might begin to identify with that praise — turning the praised one into an image that needs to be constantly fed, and this could disturb the peace of anyone.

Positive responses seem to fill us up with so much warmth and light, and negative responses can be quite devastating. These effects occur because we take personally what is only ever a projection. Of course, within the projection is usually a hook of truth and thus it becomes easy to identify with the experience others have of us; it can also be very easy to lose our ground as a result. John Vervake, a cognitive scientist with a YouTube series called “Awakening from the Meaning Crisis” asserts that “narcissism is to be trapped, to be self-obsessed within self-loathing, and that what you want to alleviate is unearned positive regard.” In other words, humans loathe their own self-absorption and only crave external validation to escape from that self-loathing. Thus, a vicious cycle ensues. You can never get enough of what you don’t need.

Focus on oneself never brings the freedom we hope it will, but only further imprisons the mind and soul. What I witness among those who successfully hold a wider audience is their ability to differentiate between projections, positive and negative, and their true, core Self that exists separate and protected from public opinion. They maintain a sense of Self that remains immune to inferiority and that also remains immune to superiority. To fall into either end of this dichotomy is to encounter the trappings of the false self — a defensive identity structure that adapted to survive early relational wounding.

The pendulum swings, and what goes up must come down. In other words, its ok to have an image — just don’t make it your identity, or you won’t have it — it will have you. And yet, it’s a tricky trap to avoid as we are living in an environment of images and the Self behind these images is largely non-existent. One does not have to look too far or deep into the culture to find evidence for this claim. Social media is one example of where the image often holds more power and social currency than the being behind that image. In fact, we often conflate the two — not realizing the distinction. It is the goal of individuation, a life-long journey of Self-development, to become undivided and therefore integrated in our living from Self, the archetypal center of the psyche, and expressing our uniqueness. This process evolves from connection to the divine within — and yet there is so much pressure to perform a self that isn’t even formed yet. The result is that we have a world of attractive images that present something that is inherently lacking behind the facade.

I am thinking deeply about this topic of projection, the image, and the shadows cast beyond the image as I reflect on a popular topic circulating in the Zouk Community right now. In light of the recent charges towards a major community figurehead, I seek to look beyond the obvious disdain and outrage that are so accessible in us. Instead, I intend to honor the pain, disillusionment and confusion that many of us are now facing by taking a snapshot, at this moment in time, with a wider lens. Perhaps the story of one Brazilian Zouk leader can serve as a synecdoche for a larger theme.

Léo Gomes was a friend of mine, a kindred spirit I thought; and a friend who at times confided in me when he was in a troubled place. Although his capacity for unbiased reflection fluxuated, Léo clung to the belief that he was forever the victim — unseen, unheard, and unacknowledged in the purity he imagined within himself. I would often dialogue with him and gently help him to see that the story he was creating wasn’t based on facts or external phenomena, but that his story was more telling of his own inner psychic landscape. Jung said, “projections change the world into the replica of one’s own unknown face.” And in a narcissistic society, projections are often what people take to be reality, because the self is over-emphasized and thus becomes the landscape of wider inter-relational experiences. Vervake suggests that real meaning and connection emerge only once we shift from an ego-centric to an allo-centric perspective — letting the world around us shine brighter than our own self-reflection.

Léo complained of feeling chronically unseen, unappreciated and misunderstood. Perhaps the person Léo needed to be understood by the most was his own self, and he was constantly projecting this inner drama outwardly as an unconscious attempt to meet his own unknown face. He didn’t seem able to hold the part of worthiness while also holding the part of accountability or even remorse. Sometimes he would become very reactive out of nowhere as if indignant from some wrong he had imagined or anticipated. When I reacted calmly, he would later retract his accusations and apologize with some excuses emphasizing his vulnerability. When in the wrong, he would attempt to garner sympathy instead of moving towards accountability and reform. I began to see how these aggressive outbursts came from a place of deep distrust and fear. The phenomenon of projection would tell us that these were inner feelings projected out. Thus, he feared something within, and he distrusted something within. I began to see that while these fears had nothing to do with me, by virtue of relating with him, I would have to dodge his attempts to stick them to me through accusations. I began to feel psychologically unsafe in just basic communications with him. I began to lose interest and hope in ever helping him.

When an image is taken as an identity, an identity crisis can ensue. An identity crisis is often met with a loss of moral grip and often a loss of physical grip as well. Jung addressed the fragmentation of identity and the loss of orientation when the ego becomes overidentified with the persona or shadow: “The greatest danger in all this is that we lose our real selves in the unconscious and become possessed by autonomous contents of the psyche.” The persona is essentially the image we create to interface with the public. Over-identification with this image can have disastrous consequences as Jung states. For in losing connection with the real Self, that is balanced and whole, we lose an orientation to meaning and conscience. The literal meaning of conscience is to know oneself from within. Thus, someone operating without conscience cannot see or relate to themselves on the inner plane.

There was evidence of lack of conscience in Léo. A characteristic double-standard was always cleverly at play, suggesting the one-sidedness through which he regarded his encounters with others. His skewed sense of reciprocity left trusting individuals often bewildered and questioning themselves. He would make promises for favors he urgently needed only to later conveniently forget to uphold his end of the bargain. Later he would be indignantly outraged that someone didn’t immediately return his kindness even if it was apparently freely given. He had his own standard for accounting for justice that was always over-valuing himself and undervaluing others.

As time went on since I met him and began working with him in 2023, I noticed a rising paranoia in him; the root of which was clearly his own disturbed conscience. I had seen him blatantly take from others with complete entitlement, only to later accuse others of taking from him. It was difficult to reason with him as he acted entirely convinced of his perspective.

It was not until the last event we had planned together that I truly noticed an extreme negligence, recklessness and overall dis-ease to his beingness. He was sick, burnt out, anxious and erratic. Although it was clear to me that he had brought these conditions on by his own actions, he wanted them to serve as an excuse for his inability to show up as an organizer. I distanced myself from him as much as I could while wanting to honor my commitment to serve our group as best as I could by not revealing my stress and disappointment. By day three, he seemed to be recalibrated to a relatively better place, however he was still quite disconnected from his body and from the experiences of others around him…evidence of losing physical grip. He was physically unsafe to dance with and dropped me on my toe in a lifts class and then later told me it was due to my poor technique. This is only one of many experiences I had with him where a different side of him showed a side that could be downright cruel — quite the contrast from the kindred spirit I thought I was dealing with.

One of Léo’s main pain points of contention, as expressed by him, was the feeling that he is not appreciated. I think anyone who was close to him knew this on some level. I knew that he wanted something different from life outside of zouk but at the same time he couldn’t seem to stop reaching for approval, applause and recognition in the dance world. And even when he received it, it was never enough. Léo is not the only artist in this community who has suffered from unreal projections and then the subsequent compulsion to attempt to live up to an impossible standard. Many would strive to maintain the image whereas others would consciously or unconsciously destroy the falseness of the projected image, until ‘love’ turned into ‘hate.’ No one can maintain the performance of a fragment of themselves. And yet we expect the star to always be one. And he expected that of himself.

Depth psychology has a theory that positive projections can be as hazardous as negative ones. Heaping praise onto someone one minute and then treating them like a normal human the next, takes a toll on one’s psyche. They may struggle to unearth an authentic sense of self when most of their relational exchanges are mediated by the image or persona. Having won the rewards (praise and admiration) from the collective, the wounded individual then learns to create new images to mediate other levels of relating — the supposed vulnerable, spiritual identity becomes another protective filter to hide behind. Meanwhile the feelings of shame tied to the inner child wound get stuffed down deeper and deeper and authentic vulnerability becomes too much of a risk.

The burden of being idealized can become a silent prison, where the need to uphold an image replaces the freedom to be fully human. “Does anyone even see me?” can be the feeling on the receiving end of this frenzy of admiration. In the face of so much celebration, the equal and opposite aspect of the soul buckles underneath the weight of the image — because we all know we are not perfect. It’s a very human need to be seen in our wholeness. Imagine travelling from city to city, year after year, celebrated as the dance expert, building your whole livelihood on that and then having to face the fact that you are still only human. You are fallible, even when your dance is perfect. You make mistakes, but if those mistakes disturb the image, then you are in big trouble… because now that image has been equated with survival. You must uphold the image at all costs, so don’t ever look weak or at fault. Tell yourself you are the good one and make others the bad one. You cannot risk being rejected or seen as flawed…This is the inner dialogue of someone who abuses themselves for a perceived sense survival in the tribe… and then that abuse inevitably gets projected outward.

My theory is that Léo’s shadow grew out of control, but it’s not just his shadow… it’s the shadow of the seemingly innocent untruths this community harbors. The illusion of superiority, celebrity, fame… and the hierarchy that’s established to keep the circus running. I’ve been a dancer, a teacher, an artist in a modest sense, and an organizer. While I’ve always aimed for my events and teachings to bring a sense of equality and community harmony, I can’t deny the shadows I witness in the wider Zouk community and the low hanging fruit that feeds a shallow game of ego, smoke and mirrors. While exceptional artistry should absolutely be celebrated, I am simply raising the question — has it got out of hand? Has our reason for dance become subsumed by the greater cultural current that obsesses with fame, image curation and the commodification of the self? Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t make it right.

There has been an ongoing debate about whether spirituality should be included in the dance space. I can understand the arguments on both sides. However, I think healing will only occur in this community when we reconnect to the numinous feeling that dance gives us — this is a transcendent, ineffable and mystical experience undoubtedly. If there isn’t a sacred purpose to this practice, then it is susceptible to being subsumed by lower energies with lower objectives. In my opinion, we can’t afford to omit the spiritual importance of dance any longer, because in a space where the ego is upheld and the sacred is absent — harm can be done in the name of entitlement and through the wrong use of power. If there is no inherent meaning to this movement, then what is it for? Is Brazilian Zouk in the midst of a meaning crisis?

Many of us will bring meaning to the space because that is who we are, and we’ve done the work to define our identity based in noble values and benevolent intentions. But many people are simply lost or following the wave of the masses, idolizing connection with inchoate understandings of tantra, idolizing technique as if it is the gateway to universal acceptance, and idolizing artists as if they possess some god-like power that you don’t also have. The wayward paths without a true compass are multitudinous. The BZDC code of conduct is essential, but it does not include an intention. That intention must be chosen and acknowledged by each dancer, and we need more spaces that make us conscious of our intentions for engaging with this dance. The irony is that the real work needed in this community is done on the level of the unseen. It’s not enough to “look” spiritual, dancing amidst the sage smoke in white clothing. It is deeper than a demo in Bali or an artsy video with a mystical caption that is essentially spiritually-tinted ego. This community needs to remember its soul. It needs to remember that the experience is what is real, and the image is only an echo of something that can never be captured, commercialized, or even seen.

I am not saying we shouldn’t condemn Léo’s behaviors and choices. They are an abomination. What I am saying is that — if that is all we do — then we are missing a bigger opportunity for awakening. What’s sad is that it needed to get this bad for our community to recognize the unhealth of this person. What’s sad is that he was subconsciously crying for help, but he could not actually say — “I’m not okay. I need to stop.” What’s sad is that he believed that he needed to keep going and stay relevant in a life that had become empty for him. I saw him try to fill this void with endless pleasures and distractions, but deep down his soul was screaming to be recognized for something much deeper than this community offers to artists… he needed to be seen for his humanity, and yet he didn’t know how to be anything except “special.” We create something inhuman and then we condemn it for acting inhuman. Just consider it. We are all connected and perhaps that’s what disturbs us the most about this news, because deep down we know that the boundaries we like to rely on in moments of consequence aren’t there in the peak of the social when we are vibing like a hive.

I believe Léo sabotaged himself because that was the only way he could have stopped himself from continuing to indulge a toxic path, trying to fill himself with praise and approval that ultimately backfired into a mental breakdown that led to his loss of moral grip. Condemnation is the lawful opposite of celebration. In a universe that seeks balance, it makes perfect sense. Usually, tragedies like these are directly related to the all-too-common mistake of having flown too close to the sun, not realizing the wings of flight were secured with wax. Nothing occurs as an isolated instance, and so I am calling for us to see the bigger picture of his life and story and not merely regard this transgression as an anomalous occurrence. He had made many micro-transgressions that were not loud enough to be heard by the whole — I for one regret not heeding the warnings of others in the community when I began working with him. I thought I could reach him where others failed to, and I now have my own lessons in humility to face. And still, great lessons, insights and growth have come from my brush with darkness — both the darkness within myself and that within others. It can be tricky to draw a neat line between good and evil because they depend on one another. It is awareness and conscience that allows us to choose how to act amidst all the possible forking paths always available. Thus it is awareness and conscience that should be valued above the shining image that seemed so essential to someone like him. Ironically awareness and conscience would have won him the image he so desperately tried to perform and create. What motivates us matters. 

Sexual violence against children is a serious crime that can never be spoken about lightly; yet it must be looked at fully. On one level, it’s a criminal offense. On another it’s a major transgression of the sovereignty of a being who does not yet know how to protect, defend or advocate for themselves. It is a betrayal of the trust a child puts in you for their survival and well-being and the worst kind of advantage one can take from an unequal power dynamic. On still another level, there is the unavoidable fact that victims become perpetrators. I don’t know what the details of Léo’s childhood are, but I wonder about this. And as a psychology professional, it’s with great sadness that I acknowledge how common this story is. It’s fucked up, wrong in so many ways, heart-breaking and still, tragically — common. I also can imagine that someone grappling with guilt and shame already might try to merge with the embodiment of innocence. It doesn’t make it right, but it might help us to try and understand the complexity of the psyche and how it tries to work out its problems. Also, as stated above, in the absence of a true sense of self, unconscious contents from the psyche can possess a person. I don’t know when these events occurred exactly, but I noticed his lack of self-control this May was unlike I had ever witnessed it before.

I believe Léo has the kind of personality that made him susceptible to overstepping boundaries, ego-inflation and evasion of responsibility. These qualities are inherent to his character and likely existed regardless of the influence of the Zouk culture. I am suggesting in this extended inquiry that the milieux of the zouk culture, and the problems inherent therein, only made it worse. Of course, you won’t see every artist break this way. Léo is like a canary in the larger coal mine of the zouk community. He failed the test, referring to my yoga vignette from above. He identified with the projected image and that image let him down because it was never real.

Now can I call your attention to the sad fact that he was clearly not connected to his true Self, a self that could operate on integrity as a being rather than productivity and praise as an achiever. How many of us have been guilty of that? The funny thing about ego and narcissism is that people usually think this person has a big ego or thinks a lot of themselves, but egocentric behavior is evidence of a weak ego. The ego is the bridge between our individuality and the greater soul, allowing us to experience both separation and connection. A weak or underdeveloped ego leaves a person insecure and easily swayed by external influences. Without a strong sense of self, it becomes difficult to navigate one’s uniqueness while also confronting one’s relative insignificance in the larger scheme of things.

What makes someone a true leader? Is it competency? Charisma? Popularity? Is the “cool factor” enough to elevate someone into a position of power? Looking at the example of our current president, we’re faced with an unsettling truth: the character we collectively accept as worthy of leadership reveals something about our national psyche.

What do we value in those we choose to follow? What are we willing to overlook in exchange for confidence, familiarity, or charm? Perhaps the deeper question is: Do we recognize leadership as a sacred responsibility — or merely as a performance? Léo was able to behave disrespectfully for years without consequence, largely because of his status in the community as an artist, teacher, and organizer. This position of influence seemed to diminish his perceived sense of risk and accountability — when it should have had the opposite effect. We all know the spider man quote, “with great power comes great responsibility.”

I came to realize, only during our most recent collaboration — which I had already decided would be our last — that he was also struggling with mental illness. As a psychotherapist, I know that mental illness truly doesn’t exist. It is a name; a category we assign to a collection of symptoms we don’t understand. What it really is, is soul-sickness. Though he never spoke about it directly, I noticed the medications he left in plain view over several days. His silence spoke volumes; it was, in its own way, a cry for help. I imagine he remained quiet out of fear — fear of stigma, of losing his reputation — a reputation that now, tragically, is beyond repair. I include this to say that normalizing human suffering clearly isn’t helping us to deal with it. Someone in such a state should not be able to just continue life and business as usual without serious reflection, support, and a plan for regaining overall health.

Can you see the tragedy here within this man? He was his own worst enemy and his greatest fear is now what he must face. I don’t think we all should immediately forgive him or see him as the victim; But I do think he deserves our compassion. I sincerely hope that he can heal and transform to find his true Self and purpose. More importantly, I hope that we can all question what it truly means to be part of a community. Is Zouk now just a “scene” comprised of people of shared interests who interact superficially for the vibe and visibility, or is it a community that offers a sense of belonging, shared purpose, and values where there is mutual care and responsibility for the wellbeing of others? I will say that Hawaii feels more like a community, and I think that’s why Léo wanted to be here. The better part of him was seeking his healing through authentic connections with others. He wanted to heal, but he did not know how. I saw this, and this makes me truly sad.

Let me be clear: I am not condoning or excusing his actions. He must be held accountable for the harm he has caused. At the same time, I am inviting the broader community to use this moment as an opportunity for reflection — to examine the collective shadow at play within all of us, and to acknowledge our own part in sustaining an unhealthy, unequal, and often aggrandizing culture that tends to bypass deeper truths.

If praise and blame are both a test, then I urge you to consider this moment a test for yourself. If we truly want to wake up from the dualistic dance of chasing praise and avoiding blame — as Léo did — we must recognize that accepting one means accepting the possibility of the other.

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” Let Léo’s example be more than a scapegoat for our own shadows. It’s easy to condemn someone else’s darkness. The real work lies in looking at the seed within us that contributes to the unwellness of this community. The extent to which we bring awareness to that seed is the extent to which we will no longer need to act it out.

On a personal note, I drew closer to Léo because I felt seen by him. He had a gift for helping others feel their own value. Perhaps he could offer what he himself could not receive — because he knew, intimately, the pain of not being able to receive it. I thought I needed this praise and support from him, or at least I appreciated it. It felt good, especially from someone who I perceived to be a great dancer and teacher. To a certain extent, as many of us can probably relate — I assigned real value to the image before learning who he was as a man. I projected golden shadow qualities onto him, and he earned my trust by calling forth and celebrating my qualities in a way no one in this community had before.

He was a master at seeing the strengths in others, and he was also a master at seeing the weakness. There are many lenses to examine this situation with. One favors the perspective that narcissists groom others for manipulation; thus, perhaps all his perceived kindness was just a part of a larger control agenda. I can’t confidently say this is untrue. But I do know humans are more complex than that. Our shadows don’t blot out our beauty but reveal a need for integration, self-reflection and consciousness.

I’m deeply sorry his shadow parts got so out of control. As I am sorry for what is happening in the world right now because of the collective shadow that lives largely undigested by humanity. And all I know is that we need to look at it, not pushing it away or taking it on, but honestly look at it and know that everything is a lesson and a test for our future evolution and equanimity. In the light of this news, how do you want to show up differently in this community? What if Léo’s example is saving you from your own future disillusionment by showing you the eventual end and emptiness of the ego path.

Projection is a mechanism that attempts to contend with divisive parts within by externalizing them. The antidote to the chaos and violence of this mechanism is to integrate those parts back into the wholeness of who we are through acceptance and understanding. We don’t have to like these parts, but we do have to own them. Many of us like to casually refer to oneness, but few of us truly want to work with what that means at the heart of the matter in this Earth experience. None of us might ever transgress at the level of this man, but it’s important to see that we all carry the same potential to do harm.

I wrote this article for my community, and those of you who have been reaching out to me, to process what seems impossible to process. I’m not available for dramatic conversations about shock and details. I’m not so easily seduced by the low hanging fruit of demonizing and scapegoating. While I will acknowledge and validate the outrage, it’s not enough to stop there. Some people are not simply “evil” while others are simply “good.” I don’t believe that because that is what is leading us to destroy each other indefinitely… and that surely cannot be ‘the good.’ I published this on the day that the US bombed Iran. We urgently need to wake up from the ‘Us vs. Them’ paradigm. There’s more at stake here than a dance hobby. Nothing is so simple anymore unless major bypassing is at play.

I’ve loved Zouk for nine years not simply because it’s a fun and beautiful dance. I loved zouk because I saw in it a possibility for healing to occur, for equality to be experienced, and for true community harmony to exist. It’s up to the leaders of this community to get their intentions straight, or else, more harm will be done. And it’s up to everyone to see that they are a leader and an influencer of zouk culture just by the way they choose to participate in it, with every dance and every intention. This is now a global dance with thousands of members. Let the hierarchies burn and give the dance back to the people. It has always belonged to the people.

If we can take the dance lightly, only then can we truly experience the transformation it has to offer. It’s easy to become captivated — even consumed — by this art form and begin to wrap our entire identity around it. But that, I believe, is a dangerous path.

I long to return to the simple joy of dancing — to the spirit of healing, connection, and presence that first drew me in. Dance is magical, deep, and captivating… but after all, it’s just a dance.

I come to dance not to see or be seen, but — as I do with yoga — to feel myself alive, present, and true.

May we each return to the essence of why we began, and may we move forward — not with fear or judgment, but with the kind of awareness that allows healing to happen.

By: Lena Siemiesz